Saturday, November 29, 2014

My struggle with Body Image

Weight Issues

I was too skinny 
Until I put on some weight
Then I was too fat

As I was too fat
I decided to lose weight
Now I'm too skinny

I was very slim for most of my life, but when in the midst of a stressful relationship and job, I started to put on more weight. I had always been teased for my size, so at first it felt nice to move pass being the 'bag of bones'.

"They called me Olive Oly."
In response to this weight gain my peers were telling me that I was putting on too much weight. I was confused at first because I was not overweight for my height, according to the BMI calculator. Out of this confusion came the old uncomfortable feeling that something was wrong with me.

After thinking on it for a while, I surmised that people will have different opinions, but the only person's opinion that mattered was my own. The problem with this is that I had never had anything positive to say about myself.

I had not learned how to love myself regardless of what number was on the scale. I didn't think I was beautiful, and that in itself was the real root of my problem.

People always say that beauty comes from the inside, but at the same time we all want to be at our best. I some point I had lost sight of what was my best.

My body was simply an expression of what I did to it:  What I ate and how much I ate, how little I moved my body and the level of self-care that I practised resulted in how my body would look.

I had never paid much attention to any of those things and my physique mirrored this lack of intention. I knew then that I needed to actively decide how I wanted my body to look, and take steps to bring that into being.

After soul-searching, I decided that while no one else seemed to like me when I was skinnier,  that I liked myself just fine that way. It felt more authentic and natural.

So I increased my level of exercise and I changed my diet. I also launched a self-love campaign during which I made a concerted effort to fall in love with myself and be in awe of my body.

The result of these changes is that while I am not as skinny as I was when I was twenty-one, I am a lot happier with my body. My peers are telling me that I am getting too small, but I silently and happily disagree.

I love myself, as I am, and I have never felt more confident. 

1 comment:

  1. Good for you. And it shows in your writing, too!